4 Steps to Welcoming Strangers
Who is a stranger to you?
When we consider who fits this title, we sometimes let our imaginations run wild and forget to consider the strangers all around us: your next door neighbor, a person in your small group, a co-worker or classmate, even your spouse. A stranger, for the purpose of this discussion, is anyone who seems strange to you, or to whom you seem strange—someone who is or does something strange to you.
Recorded in the letter to the Hebrews, the author instructs us how to treat strangers:
Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it. ~ Hebrews 13:2
When we welcome the stranger it expands and deepens us, and it pleases God because he loves the stranger.
Welcoming the stranger is at the core of living peacefully with others. Read ahead and explore 4 foundational practices to create an environment of welcome and hospitality.
1. Recognize and respect differences.
Pastoring a church that is known for its diversity in people has taught me countless lessons on inclusiveness and diversity. The members of the congregation at The Life Christian Church have decided to do something that most people in this country do not do on any regular basis: they’ve decided to “do life” with people who are different from them. They get into meaningful conversations with those who are strange to them; they sit in small groups and talk about real things.
We choose to live and worship alongside strangers because we believe those strangers become messengers of God to us, and by God's grace, we become messengers from God to them.
2. Discuss differences in person.
Humans stop listening when communication sounds like yelling or looks like a blast of posts and comments and tweets.
We are all trying to influence one another and be heard, and yet we’re just pushing each other further and further away. It's time that we quit throwing rocks and start having dinner together and have civil conversations. That doesn't mean that we don't have opinions that are valued, and it doesn't mean that we don't have life experiences that need to be shared, it just means that we’ll have an infinitely better shot at peace and positive influence if we have to look into each other’s faces and discuss our differences over dinner.
3. Influence with kindness and civility.
Professor Christine Pohl said “hospitality is resistance” to the way things are in the world today.
It's sad to say, but being kind, civil, loving, and listening to someone else's views is resistance to the world’s ways. This is not to discount our personal opinions and experiences, but let’s share them while throwing flowers instead of Molotov cocktails.
4. Simply be welcoming!
A stranger or visitor can sense a posture of hospitality from a mile away. Assume the best in others and it will translate loud and clear. As I explain in my book, The Hospitable Leader:
The week after France experienced a series of terrible terrorist attacks, my family and I were visiting Paris. As we enjoyed the sights and savored delicious food, we were still aware of the potential threat that loomed in the air.
After dinner, my son, Caleb, called an Uber. After several minutes of waiting, a car arrived. My son and my wife, Sharon, jumped into the car—Caleb in the front passenger seat and Sharon in the seat behind him. I caught up quickly and jerked open the door to get in—streetside, behind the driver. But as I did, Sharon and Caleb were getting out and shouting to me, “Get out! Get out!” I wasn’t even all the way in the car yet, but I got out fast! The car took off, tires screeching and sirens blaring. What had happened?!
My family excitedly and nervously explained that when they opened their doors and got in, Caleb asked the driver, “Are you our Uber?” The driver looked at him and smiled saying, “No I am this,” as he reached under his seat, grabbed a big blue siren, and placed it on the dashboard. The gentleman we thought was our driver was an undercover cop, evidently in the midst of responding to a dangerous threat. Sirens were blaring all over the city at that point as police cars rushed to respond to whatever danger was threatening the city.
As the driver quickly assessed the situation, this undercover police officer didn’t act threatened by us. Even in the midst of a terrorist threat in the city on the verge of police action, he gave a bunch of strangers who mindlessly piled into his car the benefit of the doubt. And not just your average strangers—we outnumbered him, and my son is not small. As a former football tight end, he’s physically imposing.
But that police officer assumed the best in us. If he hadn’t, the story would have ended very differently.
Not that I suggest you recreate that scene, but I do suggest you assume the best in others, strangers included, and take on a welcoming posture with anyone you encounter.
Let’s embrace the words of Henri Nouwen, who said we need to go from “hostility to hospitality,” starting with welcoming strangers in our midst, showing hospitality to those whom God has put in our paths.
By extending a welcome to strangers—each other—we are resisting the way things are in the world. The climate of this world is inhospitable. We need climate change—physical, attitudinal, spiritual, emotional, communicative change—that can begin only when people like you and me refuse to act like the rest of the world is acting right now.